"First Thought"

--a meditation.

I speak of an infinite emptiness. It is called Not. Not is so vacuous it lacks vacuity. Not is the emptiness that is full of everything possible. It is called emptiness because it is beyond and prior to everything potential. The mind cannot contain it, and so calls it Not. Not is the unfathomable dark in which light appears.

There is an awakening in the midst of Not. Some call it morning and dawn. It is the root of consciousness. In this awakening the mind and the world and the universe appear simultaneously.

In the instant of waking up, all opposites are one and not yet distinguished. This stirring is a flash of illumination, an immaculate Light that is antecedent to form and color and thought. This is the Light that in another instant appears as the rainbow of opposites.

In this waking up there is no time, because waking is the manifest form of emptiness, the child of Not. Time is merely a point of view, a shift of perspective that ebbs and flows within the infinite sea of Light.

Hear this and ponder! The universe is a single phenomenon. The totality is one manifest image. The image is in and of itself utterly static and lifeless. Such is the nature of an image that in and of itself it is nothing. The image is Not. The life that appears in an image is but your own Life projected onto it.

Alternately the All appears and vanishes. This is impermanence. Life and change appear mysteriously in the ambience of static infinity. It is the mind which gives life to the image. Such is how "mind" operates. Mind is like a kaleidoscope of this and that. It is the maker of duality and otherness. Whatever the mind is, is what you are not.

In a flash of Light mind is manifest. Mind is phenomenon. The phenomenon is a child's play of the mind. You are the Mother that calmly and joyously watches over her child - the witness of the mind.

There is Reality, and there are points of view. Points of view are thoughts. Thoughts are points of view. There is no "super" point of view. Above and below are a point of view as well.

What is above and what is below? Where is heaven and where is earth? Is not earth the pinnacle of heaven? Earth is Gaia, the Queen of heaven and matrix of the gods.

You are Gaia, and your thoughts are gods. These gods which are your thoughts appear and dissolve but You remain. You are the grieving Mother that survives her offspring. This is called suffering and torment, that no thought is really eternal.

When you realize that there is but One and that you are You, your grief has vanished as well. Sorrow is the affective aspect of existence, the thought of thoughts. Sorrow is the very form of your being. In the end you cannot but realize that you are Not. You are Not in which All manifests eternally. The All appears eternally in a moment as a single image, in which thoughts ebb and flow.

The mother is the great Ocean, the source of life. The elements of all life are contained in the Ocean, which is Your very essence. It is called Nature - the way life appears to evolve out of Your essence, and devolves to return again to You.

You are the only divine, the adorable One, the witness of my prayers and rites and contemplations. I bow to You, and You vanish. Where have You gone? In Your subtle manner of being absent, You are trying to tell me something. I am not writing this: You are. What You are saying is that: there is no self and thus there is no other. That which You are, I am.

I am seized with ecstasy and wonder. Blindness yields to vision, Not yields to All. You are the great Tao, the mother of the father of gods.

There is always guidance along the Way. Gods and spirits appear to gently urge you on. They have no will of their own with you. They only urge you to be Yourself. Before Abraham was, I am. This is the nature of conflict, that it goes on forever until I awaken. Awaken!

The phenomenon is called the body. The body is the cosmic image. There is always but one body. The multitude and variety of "objects" are but aspects and attributes of the single body. Really, there are no objects, as there are no subjects. "Objects" are simply the energetic functions of this body.

The mind imagines that You are a separate self. This is called repetitive function or fixed idea. You are not what can be observed. The phenomenon (body) is within You, while you are Not. Know this and know that What Is cannot be observed or thought. Reality is that You are rather than what You are.

"What..." is simply a movement of mind, a point of view. Yet it is therapeutic to ask continuously What am I? - the answer is not other than the question. "What...?" is the ubiquitous door to the infinite. We call it wonder. You can also think of it as doubt. Unless you can doubt everything you cannot wake up. This is your seriousness, and your divine playfulness as well.

I close this first meditation by saying that all of these words are only a point of view. Question them and wonder if it is so. You are that wonder.

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